Big Moments~ in our life
The struggle is real today. 10 years ago my husband got in a car accident. He was fine minus a slight herniation in his back. My husband was working out sense the accident daily~ he has gained tons of muscle and supported his core and back. About 6 months ago he no longer could work out due to excruciating pain in his back the disk slipped farther out and is hitting the nerve. He can't play outside long with the kids, boat rides are brutal, walking for long periods of time he is always in pain, two injections later he is still in daily pain. He doesn't show it, he doesn't talk about it but some days are good some days are just AWFUL.
FAST forward to today~ we have talked with 6 surgeons some wouldn't even look at him they said they are not specialized in this procedure. Two saw him one said there was a 10% chance of paralysis. I CRIED! Even 3% would be tough to swallow but 10% if you think about it get 10 people in a room and one of you isn't walking after surgery... We finally met with the surgeon my husband is seeing today and we felt confident and at peace with the choice my husband made. Originally the apt was for Nov 1st i felt like I had time to prepare... after taking he decided he couldn't stand the pain anymore and moved it up TWO weeks. My husband went back to have his back fixed finally~ he has been super strong but I think down deep inside he was scared and just staying strong for us and the kids.
I am going to take a moment and be selfish... I AM FREAKING the F*** out! My anxiety is though the roof... Dustin is my best friend... he is the only person who can bring my anxiety down he is the only one who knows everything... I just hope and pray everything goes smoothly.... I hope he can wiggle his toes....
He is the best Dad. I honestly can say he is a better parent than I am sometimes. He is always giving always going above and beyond for us.He goes to every kids sports events/practices. He is always helping with homework or projects. He helps our kids grow shows them life skills, tucks them in at night, has conversations and helps guide them, He is the glue to our family. I am not saying I am weak I am saying we make a amazing team but its really 75% him.
I have been cleaning like a crazy person... I have used more bleach, lysol, hydrogen peroxide, and laundry soap in the past 2 weeks than EVER. I have changed the sheets 3 times this week.... i have done grocery shopping for the next 3-4 weeks should be good to go. I have a team of amazing family and friends who are on call if I need any help. If you don't know this about me I NEVER ASK for help. EVER and if I do I always ask Dustin... well for the next 3-6 months he is relying on me. I have planned dinners, prepped, researched how to make sure he heals fast and smoothly~ now the fun part HE is the BBQ'ER I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING! I can cook a hot dog and thats about it on the BBQ. So this will be interesting.
I am taking the next few days day by day... I am worrying about my family.
One thing I haven't let Dustin know is how terrified I am. I am scared he won't walk, be able to play sports with the kids, work out, drive, or wake up. I am worried about infection also to the point I have EVERY cleaning product known! I have wanted to post comment or just vent and can't because he can A- HE will read this and B- Don't want him to change his mind because I am scared. We have been here sense 6am.... and I just want a fast forward button! Luckily my mom has our kids and his mom is waiting with me which helps... but honestly I just want him to walk out and everything be okay. WAITING is not my strong suit...
I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to my family and my amazing TRIBE of people in my life~ THANK YOU for being there~ THANK YOU for being you.
As I sit here and type this I start crying... there is nothing worse than waiting in a waiting room with a number and seeing what is going on..but no news.... . what is happening all the thoughts... all I want to do is sit there and hold his hand.... 3-6 months from now hopefully he will be back to normal and driving and being Dustin.
Sorry if this is so scattered but the past week this is me~
LOVE you so much Dustin. I know you won't see this for awhile