WELL we are one day post opp... you never realize how much you love someone until they go in for surgery and your life feels like its in slow motion.... and you are not sure if they are going to wake up or walk again.. you try and think positive but there is always reality. WHAT IF... luckily we were being watched over, prayed for and stayed positive and he is okay!
I am 100% a worst case scenario kinda person. I HATE IT.. but thats me. I left last night and felt like I shouldn't but my husband said ill be okay... I made it all the way to the neighborhood and Dustin called. I just simply asked do you want me there... and he didn't have to say anything hardly and I told him ill take a shower, feed the dogs, pack and ill be on my way. I wish I could take away the pain, I wish I could make it better, I wish I could just snap my fingers and go forward 3 months.
Watching someone you love in pain and hurting is the most helpless feeling in the world.
Last night I would wake up and just look at him, watch him sleep, such peace. Then two hours later a nurse walks in... time to take your meds....toss and turn try to get comfy... then back to sleep. Round and round it went...
You never really realize how much you love someone until things happen. You always say I love you but if you take a minute when things get real shitty, its terrifying. I have cried, I haven't really slept but a few hours in two days. Its so weird not having him sleep by me so just my foot can touch him, or hold his hand. He is my rock and at this moment in time... I am his and that is okay! Its amazing how strong you can be when you need to be... but honestly I just want to sit next to him, hold his hand and cry because there isn't a damn thing you can do.
Our kids are scared. They don't understand and luckily I have had a support system to help me with them so I can be here with him and that comforts the kids to know he has someone with him.
Ill post more later about what happened but for now its just a lot to type.
AS for friends and family its amazing who is really there when you need them or just to reach out and check on you and its AMAZING who you would think would be there and are not.
OR the ones who are there because it makes them look good.