working on myself
Over the past few years I have bought TONS of self help, improvement, growth, work in progress books. Some have been better than others some at the time don't click so I put them back in my stash of books for a later time that might work better.
It all started with a book a good friend told me to read. The Engery Bus, and from there is was like a rolling train that you couldn't stop I ordered over 20 books and its the only books I enjoy reading. Reading isn't my thing. I can honestly say i don't think I read in school. Growth was important to me and trying to be the best me for myself and my family.
Then Anxiety happened...
For those of you who don't know it all began when i miscarried a few times before having out daughter. We were in Disney World and I got the WORST stomach bug lasted 2-3 days. All I could think was I am about 6 hours from home, my doctor, and what if i start to mis-carry this one... I called the doctor and he told me everything will be okay but call me when ever you need. WE made it home and I was still pregnant.
FAST forward a few years.. sickness still freaks me the heck out! Like panic attack, husband usually deals with all sickenss at our house. Washing hands always is a must, don't drink out of drinking fountains, don't share cups, straws ANYTHING! I travel with hand sanitizer wipe down seats, trays, I always have zofran in my bag, car, and suitcase. I literally travel with a emergency kit for sickness everywhere!
It all got super bad when Aiden puked on me in a airplane bathroom. I love my child totally not his fault.. but it was definitely a hard time. He wasn't feeling good... I was like lets try to use the bathroom.. so there we are in this LITTLE bathroom the door is shut... he looked at me a projectile vomited all over me... my poor kids now have to deal with me freaking out... its not fun!
The only that usually grounds me is my husband, and lately its been hard... I have been working on collecting myself. A few weeks ago I bought Girl, Wash your face. I read one chapter every few days and work on that chapter for a couple days before moving onto the next. Some days anxiety is super bad some days its good. But for the first time in a little while my anxiety is getting farther apart. Yesterday was a BAD day (like EXTREMELY bad day) and with this book I am starting to learn its okay to have bad days... there is tomorrow and a new day to start over with a good day.
So for everyone who thinks.. Wow their life is perfect or wish i could be them or thinks peoples lives are sunshine and rainbows Remember that they aren't. Life is a ride a crazy ride and all about growth, and improvement. ONE day at a time, ONE step in front of the other and ONE deep breath.